“Depressive's Manifesto”
by Dennis
I have depression. Specifically, bipolar disorder. I admit it.
I know, it's awful for you having to deal with me.
I'm sorry that you'd rather not deal with it. Neither would I — but no one gave me the choice of whether or not to deal with it.
I'm sorry that sometimes I'm irritable and difficult to deal with. If I could change that, I would. In fact, I'm working on it. But no one is perfect; my best is the best that I can do.
I may seem to push you away. It's not that I don't want you around. What I want is to keep my depression from affecting you. I push you away because I care about you, not because I can't be bothered.
I'm sorry that sometimes I drag your own mood down. I don't want to feel depressed any more than you do, but I have my bad days. Don't you?
I do the best I can, with what I have. If my best isn't good enough, then I'm sorry, but I literally cannot do any better. You can't expect perfection of me, regardless of whether or not I have depression.
I'm sorry that I occasionally make promises I can't keep. When I'm manic, I think I can do everything — and I try to. But of course, I can't. Can you?
I'm sorry that you think I ought not to have to take a pill to feel better. I wish it weren't so, either, but that's just the way it is.
If you think I'm difficult to deal with — how would you like to experience depression for yourself? —I didn't think so!
If you think having to visit me in the hospital is tough, try being the one in the hospital, rather than just the visitor.
My depression is not an "excuse" for anything. Even so, it's there, and it affects me. Sometimes it's not under my control.
Yes, I have depression. We all have our faults. What are yours?